I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
