He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
worst night to have a conscience
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
