I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
