he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
