bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize