I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.