I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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