I'm an idiot
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sext me about skeletons
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed