Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!