I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.