everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there