can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying