He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
