I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
