I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i love accidental penises.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
