I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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