i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
