Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just had sex bonerless
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
