a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
