Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
