For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
