So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
