its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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