I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
