Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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