I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
