mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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