By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
