I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
