I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize