After last night, I could never be a politician.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
