I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
