hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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