you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
