Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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