You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
