Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
