i don't plan on having that self control this summer
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
