dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
