i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
