Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
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Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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