so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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