i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've blown a few things in my day
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
