Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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