this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
