Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
