If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
