I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
