I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
