His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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