My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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