she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize