Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
