I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
