I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
