I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
