Sober January is a disaster.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
