At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
