you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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