I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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