Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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