the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
