Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
