I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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