I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
