Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
