and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Your cock deserves a montage
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
