So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
