Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
