My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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