he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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