is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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